


comments

by toxic_positivity



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Body Image, Eating Disorders, Food Issues, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Seo Changbin-centric, Sleep Deprivation, chan and jisung are so sweet :(, changbin reads mean comments and develops a bad relationship with food, hate comments, platonic minbin, poor Binnie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29165208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxic_positivity/pseuds/toxic_positivity
Summary: changbin is home alone one day and feels lonely since his boyfriends are both busy, to cheer himself up he decides to read some comments from stay.that didn't quite go to plan.(IM SO BAD A SUMMARIES IM SO SORRY)
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han, Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin, Bang Chan/Seo Changbin, Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 84





	comments

**Author's Note:**

> also cross posted on wattpad (all of my ao3 works are!) @/ sunbaby- 
> 
> please don't read if the topics are triggering :( stay safe! 💞

changbin sat on his bed, legs crossed as he held onto a small stuffed bear his boyfriends had gifted him for his birthday recently. it had quickly become one of his most treasured possessions, especially for moments right now when he was feeling especially lonely without them.

they had made a trip to the local grocery store as the group usually did every week, today was no exception. however, he told the group he wasn't feeling well and decided to stay home; he wasn't physically ill like he'd told them but instead wasn't having a very happy day and his mood was rather down.

usually being with his boyfriends or his members would greatly improve his mood but they had been gone for a little while now and it was only making changbin feel worse, the loneliness starting to kick in as he held tightly onto the stuffed animal in his lap. his mind wandered as he began to think of other ways to improve his mood, having the idea to call one of his boyfriends and scrolling through is contacts to find chan's contact- since jisung had a habit of keeping his on silent.

he held the phone up to his ears nervously, chewing on his lower lip as he tried to calm himself down. after a few more rings than usual the other boy answered.

"hey bin, everything okay?" the question was quick and rushed, sounding as if he was in the middle of something.

"i think so," he hesitated for a moment. "i'm mean nothing bad has happened and i'm fine but-"

upon hearing those words the phone was clearly being move from person to person, loud chatter going on in the background and the sound of wheels rolling. 'but i feel really alone right now' is what he was about to say before he was interrupted.

"changbin!" the new voice belonged to hyunjin, changbin felt somewhat sad at this and guilty straight after. he loved hyunjin, of course he did, but he really needed his boyfriends right now.

"chan told me to tell you he can't talk right now and he sounded really frustrated, maybe it's best not to annoy him at the moment?" he knows that hyunjin meant nothing malicious by the statement, sympathy laced his voice and he could clearly hear some conflict happening in the background.

"oh, okay."

"is there something wrong? chan said that you weren't in trouble or anything.." he paused for a second. "if you need anything i'm here okay? or i can find wherever jisung's run off to and-"

"no jinnie, it's fine, thank you." he sighed, "just feeling a little down, i'm sure i'll be okay in a bit."

"i'm so sorry bin, i wish i could help but jeongin's run off with the cart and seungmin is fighting some karen i-"

"maybe read some of stays comments? they usually cheer you up right?" he finished, sounding hopeful that his idea would be of some help, changbin thought about it for a moment before nodding.

"i think i will, thank you jinnie. oh and would you tell chan not to worry? i know what he's like.."

"will do!" just then a crash was heard on the other line, "sorry binnie i really have to go, i hope you feel better soon!" and with that the line cut out and the small boy was left alone with his thoughts.

the blond thought about it for a little while, thinking if there was some other way to brighten his mood which didn't involve getting stuck in his phone for hours on end, (he got Distracted easily) but ultimately, changbin decided to check some of the comments on their most recent teaser photos, something that the boy was actually very happy with the outcome of.

he tended to be somewhat insecure about his body but the stylists decided it would be a nice change for him to wear something slightly more revealing, (in this case it happened to be a cropped hoodie.) the members complimented his appearance and his boyfriends seemed especially fond of the lock, happy that changbin was feeling more comfortable with himself.

as he scrolled further, the comments were mostly appreciating the other members in that specific shoot, as well as the odd comment about himself. changbin smiled as he read all of the support and encouragement, not only for himself but the others too. his smile soon turned to a frown though as he scrolled further down in the comments, starting to notice more and more negative comments.

"did you see changbins cheeks? hes def not the visual of the group😭"

"why wear something that shows off ur fat💀"

"is it just me or has bin gained weight?"

"no one wants to see that 🤮 make ur shirt longer next time plss"

"ew he got fatttt🤢🙄"

the tears threatened to pool in his eyes as he reached for the teddy bear again, pulling it close to his chest and went back to his home screen. it was currently set as a picture of himself, chan and jisung; however, he took one look and could no longer unsee the way his jeans hugged his lower body and dug into his stomach slightly.

so, he quickly changed it to the first photo of his boyfriends (without himself) that he could find, quickly sighing with relief as he locked the device and threw it on the bed beside him and buried his face in the comfort of his bear.

changbin had never particularly thought of himself as overweight before, whenever he brought up the slight layer of chub which had formed over a holiday or break period his boyfriends were quick to make him feel loved and any negative feelings were replaced with gentle kisses.

this felt different, though. he couldn't help but feel overly conscious of the way the elastic his comfortable sweatpants suddenly felt too tight, or the way he could pink his stomach and hold the skin in his fingers. unfortunately for changbin, that marked the first steps in his incredibly unhealthy spiral.

-

later that day, changbin had managed to find his earbuds and blast some music from his playlist in another desperate attempt to brighten his mood before his partners came home. however, he could hear the door opening and the commotion which always accompanied the members arrival and yet he till wasn't feeling any better.

"changbinnieeee!" he heard jisung call from the other side of the dorm as he ran inside changbin and felix's dorm to engulf the elder in a hug, practically suffocatig him.

"hi sungie," he smiled softly, already feeling a little bit less lonely than he had been for past few hours. "did you guys have fun?"

with that, jisung groaned and flopped into a more comfortable position next to changbin on the bed, finding the hand which wasn't holding his phone and intwertwining their fingers. "kinda, felix lost the car keys so we spent half the time looking for them and when we got back innie was running around and-"

"are you okay bin?" he was interrupted by chan walking into the room with a concerned yet obviously exhausted expression. "hyunjin said you were upset, i'm really sorry."

"i'm better now you two are here," he giggled slightly, "and you will be sorry if you don't get your ass here and cuddle us right now."

"i second that!" jisung pouted, pulling changbin closer and burring his head into the lders neck. chan sighed with a small smile, unable to contain the way his heart felt like it would burst at the sight of his boys, minho was right- he was 'whipped™.'

-

now the time came that changbin had been dreading, the thought lingering constantly in his mind ever since this morning. dinner. the idea of eating anything only made him feel sick, like even thinking about food was causing even more weight gain (even though there was never any to begin with.)

"wait why'd you change your lockscreen?" jisung asked, looking up at him ith furrowed eyebrows. "that one was so cuteeee."

changbin currently had his arm slung around the youngers shoulder, letting him play around o his phone and mess around on some mindless apps since his had died. the two were originally watching beauty and the beast together while chan prepared the group food, jisung didn't have the attention span for it today though.

"wanted a change, this one's cute too!" he pouted, taking his phone away and locking it before the younger could change it back not that it mattered too much since they shared passwords anyway.

"yeah but you aren't in it." he frowned, reaching over to try and reach the phone again.

"it's my phone sung," he laughed, a bright smile on his phone as he held it just out of his reach. "i'm not too fond of seeing my on face all day."

"then maybe you shouldn't be on it all day binnie." he sassed back, giving up and placing a gentle kiss on his boyfriends cheek before getting up join chan i the kitchen. leaving changbin a mix of flustered and shocked at the shady remark.

now jisung had left, changbin was alone on the room once again. he sighed deeply, sitting up and stretching his back and arms, still not sure exactly he was going to do about dinner.

pulling himself off the bed, he made his way to the kitchen, finding chan and jisung stood at the oven while seungmin and felix mixed some kind of desert. the two sat at the table looked up at him with soft smiles, offering him to taste the batter.

"oh," he looked down at the mixture on the spoon, feeling his stomach churn slightly. "no thank you, i feel kinda sick right now. i'm sure it's delicious though!"

guilt started to bubble up at the sight of their disappointed faces, feeling bad that he couldn't even force himself to try something so small. "ji, would you try it?"

jisung turned towards them, nodding as he finished up cutting some carrots and walked over. bending over slightly, he tasted the batter with a smile, "brownies right? it's really good." he ruffled their hair.

the two boys giggled happily at his remark and continued to mix, leaving jisung to grab changbin's hand and drag him over to chan.

"hey baby," the elder said with a soft voice, wrapping his arms around changbin's neck and pulling him into a hug. "are you sure you're okay?"

changbin almost felt like crumbling on the spot, feeling the familiar bubble of tears form behind his eyes. he ignored it though and instead focused on the warmth of his boyfriend, the familiar scent of vanilla mixed with aftershave was comforting.

"i'm okay, feelin' much better now you two are here." he replied honestly, reaching out a hand for jisung to hold. "was a little lonely without you."

-  
having skipped as many meals as he could of the course of the last few weeks, changbin lay in his bed feeling the hunger pains grow in his stomach. both of his boyfriends sleeping peacefully beside him, cuddled together. he was originally part of the cuddle pile but shimmied himself out when he'd woken up, wanting a bit of room to breathe.

he wanted nothing more than to eat anything he could find, just to settle the unbearable pain in his stomach. the thought of of food only making him feel sick, putting him off the idea.

due to being on the edge of the bed, changbin was able to roll himself out and crawl into the bathroom, hissing as he turned on the light. the contrast from the darkness of the bedroom made it hard for his eyes to adjust, he squinted as he made his way to the sink.

the boy in mirror stared back at him, eyes red and tired from sleep. the lack of food in his system was making him feel weak and lethargic, lack of energy causing him to stumble slightly and hold onto the sink for support.

his eyebags were becoming more prominent now, his face starting to become sharper like it was at the start of their debut. this was something he'd grown to dislike about his appearance, finally becoming happy with the way his cheeks were round and cute- something he adored about jisung. now they were gone, slightly hollowed and much sharper.

it was about three in the morning, currently their schedules were bursting at the seams due to the latest comeback, meaning they would have to wake up at around 6. he could live off few hours sleep, that theory had been tested by hours of late night producing sessions. what bothered him most though was how weak he had become, thoughts blurring and limbs feeling similar to the constancy of jelly.

his thoughts ran back to earlier, jeognin had somehow managed to convince him to eat cake with him. it was something him and felix had baked together and was coted head to toe in coloured sprinkles and cute decorations. the guilt was still whirring in his mind like an overactive machine, constantly making him want to just get it out.

purging was something he'd found online not long ago yet never felt comfortable trying, it was too late now anyway, he had already digested it.

with a heavy sigh, changbin washed his face with cold water. he could feel his hands shaking and eyes becoming cloudy, as if they couldn't focus on anything and the world went by as a blur. returning to his bedroom, the small boy never seemed to overcome the slight shake in his legs as he walked, feeling light headed while climbing into bed once again.

immediately feeling a warm pair of arms pull him in, holding him tightly while they slept. changbin smiled, eyes roaming around the pitch black room as he tried to find a comfortable position without disturbing either of them. eventually he dozed off.

-

now the next day, changbin was putting as much effort as he could physically muster into the choreography practise they were currently working on. although it was as much as his body could handle, the instructor kept pointing out his flaws and urging him to try harder. this didn't go unnoticed by the group.

"yah! changbin put more effort in!" the older man sighed, clearly getting frustrated with him. changbin could only nod, his vision blurring and head throbbing. "lets just take a break."

without hesitation, all seven members flocked the tired boy like he was some sort of pray, continuously questioning him about his health. "how many hours did you sleep? i felt someone awake last night..." jisung frowned.

"uhh," he swallowed, trying to steady himself. "about three."

"that's not enough! are you trying to land yourself in hospital?" minho shouted, making changbin flinch with his words. he knew his condition was severely affecting his health and that there was a very big possibility he could end up in hospital, the thing is though, no one else knew that.

the small boy stood there blankly, eyes not leaving the scuffed floor of the studio. "of course not, why would you even say that?" his tone was broken, hurt obviously evident. the awareness he had of his condition fucking terrified him, the idea it could be fatal made his heart ache but the fact he couldn't stop made him hurt to no end. a constant torture that he was facing alone, suffering alone.

"then why? just fucking sleep some more, especially if you know you have practise, it's not that damn hard." minho stormed off, angry at changbin. the group stood there for a moment, trying to process what had just happened.

as soon as he started to show signs of crying, chan and jisung jumped to action. they pulled him into their hold and let him sob into them, comforting him as he did so. the poor boy was shaking, unable to calm himself down.

"this isn't just about sleep, is it?" chan asked warily, being careful of his words as to not upset him further.

changbin looked up, both fear and confusion filled his eyes as he let jisung stroke his caramel hair in an attempt to calm him down. "what are you talking about?"

chan let out a sad sigh, sympathy covered his face as he felt his heart break a little bit, "you know what i'm talking about baby, we should talk after this okay?"

changbin nodded sadly, anxiety spreading through him like a wildfire. the leader only pulled changbin into his lap, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and kissing his neck gently for comfort. "it'll be okay bub, you'll be okay."

jisung was obviously confused, not having caught on to the obvious signs of changbin's disordered eating just yet but smiled softly nonetheless. he reached out a hand for chan to hold, his other resting on changbin's cheek as he leaned in and covered his face in sweet kisses.

"everything will be okay sweets, we promise." he finished with a delicate kiss on his lips, pulling him into hug.

-

ever since what had happened in the dance studio, the air around certain topics had become awkward. minho tried his best to avoid changbin like the plague, their odd encounters showing that the older was still angry with him.

"binnie.." jisung spoke softly, stroking his hair while the three of them laid together. "i think we should talk now, yeah?"

changbin felt the fear shiver down his spine, the feeling of sickness filling his chest. "i guess.." 

it had been easier for jisung to spot his little (and not so little) habits, finally understanding what had been going on with his boyfriend was both relieving and absolutely terrifying. 

"everything is okay bub, we're not gonna judge you." chan hummed, pulling him closer. "do you wanna tell us? we think we know but it'd be nice to hear it from you, just in case." 

the smaller boy nodded, chewing on his lips a little before speaking. "i don't know how to say it.." 

"well," jisung smiled, "could you tell us what started it? if you're comfortable, of course." 

"it was the night a little while ago, everyone went grocery shopping and i was feelin' super lonely. i wanted to read some of stay's comments but.." he trailed off, eyes dragging to the corner of the room. "they weren't very nice, sayin' bad things about my weight and 'nd stuff." 

"oh, baby." chan whispered, leaning over and planting a kiss on the edge of his nose. "that's why you've been having trouble with food?" 

changbin visibly cringed as his problems were said aloud for the first time, nodding quickly and burying his head in jisung's chest. the younger ran his hand's through the soft caramel, taking a second to kiss the back of his head. 

"why didn't you say something baby?" jisung's voice was soft and sweet, the question held more worry than anything else.

"dunno," he murmured. "guess it's 'cause i didn't wanna worry you, thought maybe you'd not like me anymore." 

"changbin," the leader sat up slightly, pulling changbin gently from jisung's chest so he was facing him. "we could never, not in a million years. of course we would worry, we love you so much- how could we not? but we'd never, ever, dislike you. for anything, especially for something like this."

that did it, the smallest fell into chan's arms and let himself sob. chan placed soothing hands on his back, patting and rubbing circles into the loose fabric of changbin's favourite pink hoodie. 

jisung was quiet, not being used to comforting others since he himself was never very open with his emotions. chan could see the thoughts whirring in his head, the way his eyes filled with empathy as he reached a shaky hand out to comfort his boyfriend. 

to anyone else, this would seem strange. for chan, well, he knew that jisung was thinking about exactly what he wanted to say. he knew the other better than most, better than changbin even and probably better than himself. 

"binnie," he spoke, voice hoarse with emotion. "i know how you feel, something similar happened when i was a trainee." 

chan opened his mouth to speak but ultimately decided not to, "it was about four years ago, it was a few other trainees who made the comments. it messed me up for a long time, i got through it and i know you can too." 

the younger let tears spill from his eyes, rolling down his cheeks before being wiped at the bottom of his chin. "we're here, we'll never leave you. you'll have us forever, if that's what you want- i hope it is. we love you more than anything and we always will, you're our baby and nothing could change that." 

"we'd like to help you, obviously we can't force you to anything but we could start by talking to the company therapist? we'll stay with you, of course." 

changbin didn't leave chan's embrace, instead he moved over slightly and made grabby hands in jisung's direction. with a light chuckle, the blond crawled over and joined their hug. 

"you promise? that you'll be there, i wanna go." he started, bringing his sleeve covered hands to his face and wiping his drying tears. "but i can't do it alone, not yet. too scary."

both of the other boys smiled down at him, love filling their hearts as changbin pouted cutely. "we promise. you'll never be alone baby, never. not when you have us." 

-

"changbin, can we speak?" minho stood at the doorway of the studio, the smaller boy removed his headphones with a light frown and checked the time- three am. 

"min, why are you awake?" the worry came first, hoping everything was okay with his friend before the wave of anxiety rushed through him. they hadn't spoken properly in about two weeks, much to changbin's dismay. 

"i needed to talk to you, i've been thinking." changbin soften when he saw the desperation in his elder's eyes, lips slightly parted as his cheeks were red from the cold. 

"come in." 

"thanks," he sighed with relief, taking a seat in the empty chair beside changbin. "i uh, i wanted to apologise." 

"i was just really worried, i didn't mean to come off so harsh. it was scary, seeing someone i love so full of pain? i felt so guilty." 

changbin smiled softly, "it's okay min, i forgive you. you had a right to be worried, after all." 

minho nodded, he didn't know about all the details but he knew that changbin had been doing much better lately after his short break from company activity and a few sessions of therapy. 

"please don't do it again bin," the hurt in minho's eyes was unmissable, gleaming brightly in the harsh light of the studio. "i was so scared i was gonna lose you or something, i know it's silly and i way overacted but it really freaked me out."

changbin leaned over and pulled minho into a hug, "i won't min, thank you for caring." 

"of course bin, you're my friend- my family. i love you." 

"i love you too, so much."


End file.
